That is if you even can be bothered to vote at all next year. The 2008 Select Smart Presidential Candidate Selector can help you to base an important decision on a simple online quiz.

Simply answer how you feel about certain issues and how strongly, then stop researching and following politics all together until election day! I’m curious, what candidates came up for our readers in their quiz results?

Personally, I prefer the “shoot-a-booger” method where you shoot a booger out of your nose as hard as possible on the voting machine to pick who will screw up the country even worse be the next president of the United States.

The SensorFreshQ tells you instantly if your meat is fresh enough to eat. The device ($89.95) actually measures the levels of harmful bacteria in red meat and poultry (not fish) and tells you if it’s safe to eat.

Hold the meat stick an inch above your meat and push the magic button.

Most people just buy meat, eat it and throw it out. At least now you’ll know that you won’t be getting rid of your meat by puking it up. Too bad there isn’t a dildo-detecting sausage stick to go along with the SensorFreshQ.

Just make sure your meat doesn’t earn the red light - “Freshness Not Assured”. For the record, my meat is always fresh.

The Heiniken DraughtKeg stores 5 liters of beer and makes for an instant keg party without the hassle of picking up a full size steel barrel.

The DraughtKeg has it’s own internal CO2 compressor so there is no pumping action required - you just flip the lever. Beer stays fresh drinkable for up to 30 days after the keg is tapped.

It might be old news to some of you, but I recently discovered the Heiniken DraughtKeg, which goes for about $20. If you plan on drinking at a sporting event, teacher-parent conference, or somewhere else you shouldn’t can’t, the DraughtKeg has enough juice to fill up your Beerbelly.

foXnoMad writes:

By using an unactivated credit card, you’ll have the plastic to show but won’t have to worry about a shady car rental employee from buying a Prada bag with your Visa. Just make sure to peel off the activation sticker before you hand it over.

read the rest >>

Almost so lazy that I wasn’t even going to write a post about how I was too lazy to post today, but I needed a good excuse to put up a picture of a Pug.

A German man headed for Dubai was discovered to have two sausages with dildos inside of them.

The 50 year old man bought the sausages from a butcher, only to return them soon after and asked they be kept in the freezer. A clerk at the shop noticed the sausage had gotten heavier.

There are way too many sausage/meat/fake-penis jokes to make here so I won’t. I wonder if this dude was gay or straight and if we could find out by watching him walk. Dubai has some strict customs laws, I wonder what they’d think if they found the plastic ding-dongs.

Mango offers free online language courses in 10 languages. The courses include Japanese, Polish, and Brazilian Portuguese.

The course are are a blend of Rosetta Stone and Pimsleur. Each language has around 100 lessons, enough to give you some basic conversational skills. Mango registration is free and only requires a valid email address.

We’ve written about other ways to effectively learn a new language fast in the past and how long you can expect to wait to become proficient speaker for a given language.

To save time and water, often it is best to piss out side. Commonly thought of as a male-only form of pleasure, ladies can…and do get in on the act. Here are some of the best ways to unload your non-sexual liquid fun in public without going to jail or getting your shoes dirty.

• Make sure you look up if you are going to pee on a wall - Ladies, make sure you look down in case there are any below-ground apartment windows. I can’t tell you how many penises and pussies vagina have made their public debut mid-stream. Also, you don’t want to inadvertently pee on a pussy, er…cat.
• Ladies, squat between cars, guys aim for the tires -In both cases, just make sure there isn’t actually anyone in the car(s). Double check that there are no people in the parking lot. Triple check it isn’t you car.
• Pee above the curb for optimal drainage - Many people make the mistake of peeing between the curb and the street. All this does is create a small yellow pool that creeps its way up to your new leather shoes. Remember not to walk and pee at all costs.
• Give yourself at least 1 foot away from whatever you are peeing on to prevent splash-back - Drunken super-laser-stream piss can really bounce off walls, women, and ATM machines very easily.
• Get to the point where you have no choice but to pee in public or pee in your pants - Otherwise you’ll waste valuable time with you pants down before you drain the tank. Any time you are in public naked just standing around on a street corner is usually bad news. Try to get the blowjob done quick.
• Have a look out - Preferably someone who is not peeing right next to you.

Urination is a great way to shave off precious minutes from your already dull and meaningless life. If you’re outside, use some hand sanitizer when you get home. To save more water, don’t flush your pee - just your poop, and forget about brushing more than a few times a week.

The Tab Scope Firefox plug-in lets you preview tabs live just by hovering your mouse over them. The view is just like Vista’s, so you can see what’s going on in other open tabs without changing tabs.

Tab Scope also includes reload, refresh, and stop buttons in each preview window. When a preview is highlighted you can even scroll within the tab. Tab Scope can be downloaded for free.

Remember, you can move tabs in between separate Firefox windows.

New research says that people can determine someone else’s sexuality by the way they walk. Now you can put yourself to the test - (no sound required).