This useless combination of a household appliance puts together two ingredients for an emergency room recipe. You can cook your morning toast while pouring a boiling pot of Earl Grey with the Teapot Toaster.

If you’re fat and lazy enough to blind the natural God-given fear of high voltage then feel free to endanger your devalued home and loved ones with this cool and retro gift for your worst enemy. The nice baby blue can remind you of your charred first born child’s eyes and you can reminisce about the fact that you had eyebrows at one point over a fresh piece of wheat bread.

The Teapot Toaster brings together metal and electricity which can be more dangerous than a tampon and stun gun technology - because a vagina is where you should carry lethal amounts of electricity - not your kitchen.

This table looks completely ineffective against any kind of intruder.

I mean, come on - how long is it going to take to suit up like a medieval knight and fight off a burglar with a gun?

Besides, wouldn’t it be easier to just buy a bat?

Combine physical security with feminine protection. [via Schneier on Security]