Phone books are a complete waste of space, energy, and outdated. Not to mention that but they are really not suited for the lazy at heart. Who can be bothered to search for a listing, when there is the Internet?

Most states offer some (usually free) way to recycle those big ugly yellow paperweights.

It’s a great way to be green the lazy way and even get your kids involved. Recycling is great and all, but if you really want to stop the paper war, write to your Congressperson and tell them how much they suck much waste phone books create. Oh, and they are a pain in the ass to get rid off, tell them that too.

Merge all of your various cell phones, home phone, and office to a single number using Google’s free GrandCentral. GrandCentral’s interface gives you the ability to screen calls, setup different ring tones for different phone numbers, and block callers.

GrandCentral can also be setup up to have all of your voicemails arrive at a single inbox that sends an SMS or email each time a message is received. Also you can setup up an account so Web users can call through the Internet. Similar to Skype, you can route international and long distance calls to a single number for free.

The best way to learn a new language in your adult years is to study like a child, immerse yourself, and repeat, repeat, repeat.

Here is a list of the best ways to get yourself speaking Urdu, Swahili, or Swedish as fast as you can.

• Start by buying yourself Rosetta Stone - This collection of interactive CDs teaches you with immersion and visual cues that help you retain information. It is not a traditional course and not based on pure memorization or mindless grammar rules. Though Rosetta Stones don’t come with instructions, I’ve found the best way to learn is one lesson per day (as many times as you want) in 30 minute intervals. Don’t do more than 30 minutes at a time and not more than one lesson.
• Find a copy of Pimsleur - The great thing about this set of audio CDs is that you can listen to them in the car. Listen and follow the directions twice a day back and from work, you’ll have basic conversational skills within 2 weeks.
• Read online newspapers in the language you are trying to learn -The Washington Post is written at a 6th grade reading level. Newspapers have to get information across simply and effectively. Search around for a reputable publication and look over it at twice, at least 5 minutes per day. The key is to be exposed to the language in both spoken and written form, even if you don’t understand more than a couple words.

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Old style mail is still around and is a major distraction from picking the lint out of your bellybutton. You have to check it (or the mailman yells at you), then bring it inside and eventually read it. As if that weren’t enough you should be shredding your credit card offers, bank statements, and other sensitive information.

Queercents [via Lifehacker] has compiled a list of easy ways to stop getting paper mail you don’t want. There are several online tools, call an opt out number (1-888-567-8688), or be proactive.

If the former residents of your house neglected to fill out a ‘Change of Address Form’ or it expired, you can fill one out for them. You must fill out a card for each unique last name.

The full list has other good advice (though not for the un-lazy) - though it could get you back an average of 8 months back in the couch. That’s how long the average person will spend tearing, burning, and dealing with junk mail during their lifetime.