Next time you come up to a public toilet with some leftover pee or poo save your self some effort and leave it there. Seeing someone else’s excrement may not be the most pleasant experience but you’ll only be peeing on it anyway.

The average flush (in the US) uses about 1.6 gallons of water and industrial size toilets use more. Similar to not flushing your pee at home, extra flushes for each piece of crap or to keep a restroom from stinking are counterproductive.

[photo by: r.maltby]

Sometimes you’ve got 5 minutes to get out of the house (usually in the mornings) as you cart your lazy ass off to school or work. You can save time by using your sink as a shower and by cleaning only the stinkiest of body parts.

• Pits - Sprinkle some water underneath your armpits and wipe them down firmly with a towel. Then spray or lather on as much smelly deodorant as you’ve got. No one will be able to tell the difference later in the day.
• Pubes - Whether or not you’ve got pubic hair (*cough, cough* ladies), you going to need to wipe down your winky or pinky and the surrounding areas to ward off chaffing and general crotch-stank. Some warm water and a gentle hand should do the trick.
• Bum - Now if there isn’t a body area that’s more prone to stinkyness than your behind. Dab some water on toilet paper and go at it. Make sure to dry however and of course…do this after you have to poo.
• Face - Not good to have a semi-clean body but a greasy face. Wash your face using the standard method. Preferably you’re not going to dry it with the pits or pubs towel. Just a suggestion.

Now you can take a shower in any hotel room, gas station, and Denny’s in the world. To save even more time, brush your teeth only once a day and use hand sanitizer instead of washing your hands.

[photo by: Fractal Artist]

To save time and water, often it is best to piss out side. Commonly thought of as a male-only form of pleasure, ladies can…and do get in on the act. Here are some of the best ways to unload your non-sexual liquid fun in public without going to jail or getting your shoes dirty.

• Make sure you look up if you are going to pee on a wall - Ladies, make sure you look down in case there are any below-ground apartment windows. I can’t tell you how many penises and pussies vagina have made their public debut mid-stream. Also, you don’t want to inadvertently pee on a pussy, er…cat.
• Ladies, squat between cars, guys aim for the tires -In both cases, just make sure there isn’t actually anyone in the car(s). Double check that there are no people in the parking lot. Triple check it isn’t you car.
• Pee above the curb for optimal drainage - Many people make the mistake of peeing between the curb and the street. All this does is create a small yellow pool that creeps its way up to your new leather shoes. Remember not to walk and pee at all costs.
• Give yourself at least 1 foot away from whatever you are peeing on to prevent splash-back - Drunken super-laser-stream piss can really bounce off walls, women, and ATM machines very easily.
• Get to the point where you have no choice but to pee in public or pee in your pants - Otherwise you’ll waste valuable time with you pants down before you drain the tank. Any time you are in public naked just standing around on a street corner is usually bad news. Try to get the blowjob done quick.
• Have a look out - Preferably someone who is not peeing right next to you.

Urination is a great way to shave off precious minutes from your already dull and meaningless life. If you’re outside, use some hand sanitizer when you get home. To save more water, don’t flush your pee - just your poop, and forget about brushing more than a few times a week.

Not just the water, but the actual tub.

The ShowerTimer, sold by a company in Australia, attaches to your shower head and sets the time you have to shower.

Only need 6 minutes a per pop - well then that’s all you’ll get. The water cuts off after a whatever amount of time you set the device. A maximum of 12 minutes can be timed and the shower stays off for at least 2 minutes after each cycle.

So you can either wait around and freeze (plus waste time) for two minutes or just make your way to work. You’ll need a job - the device is around $340.

Washing your hands after going potty just makes peeing and pooing take even longer. Carrying around a small pack of hand sanitizers lets you avoid the soap and water dance you do in public places.

According to research performed by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, hand sanitizer is considered as effective at killing germs as washing your hands with soap and water, unless hands are visibly soiled.

The main point to remember, however, is that the alcohol content of the handrub must be at least 60 percent to be effective.

Just as good as hand washing? Why not even shorten the whole process by not washing after you pee, or when you’re at home, or when no one is around!

Brushing your teeth is one of the first hassles you have to deal with in the mornings, right after peeing. It’s a necessary song and dance in the morning to ward off bad breath, but if you’re tired at night from doing nothing all day skip it.

By not brushing at night you’ll be saving some water, time, and headache, knowing that your morning breath awaits. Plus you can keep eating in bed in front of the TV and not ruin the after taste.

If you’re really pressed for time, there’s nothing like a little mouthwash and gum instead of brushing. I mean, your mouth will smell the same (sort of).

Nobody really know what causes shower curtains to invade your personal space while you get clean. The phenomenon, called the shower-curtain effect, make lazy people cringe since we have to fight with the damn thing every morning.

The Shower Bow attaches to the shower rail and uses a metal wire to keep Mr. Annoying out of your life. (Not your husband, the curtain.)

Whatever the cause, air pressure changes, heating cycles, gravity particles, you can now use that free arm now to clean your other armpit for a change.

I appreciate it, thanks.