How To Urinate In Public

by Mr. Lazy

To save time and water, often it is best to piss out side. Commonly thought of as a male-only form of pleasure, ladies can…and do get in on the act. Here are some of the best ways to unload your non-sexual liquid fun in public without going to jail or getting your shoes dirty.

  • Make sure you look up if you are going to pee on a wall – Ladies, make sure you look down in case there are any below-ground apartment windows. I can’t tell you how many penises and pussies vagina have made their public debut mid-stream. Also, you don’t want to inadvertently pee on a pussy, er…cat.
  • Ladies, squat between cars, guys aim for the tires -In both cases, just make sure there isn’t actually anyone in the car(s). Double check that there are no people in the parking lot. Triple check it isn’t you car.
  • Pee above the curb for optimal drainage – Many people make the mistake of peeing between the curb and the street. All this does is create a small yellow pool that creeps its way up to your new leather shoes. Remember not to walk and pee at all costs.
  • Give yourself at least 1 foot away from whatever you are peeing on to prevent splash-back – Drunken super-laser-stream piss can really bounce off walls, women, and ATM machines very easily.
  • Get to the point where you have no choice but to pee in public or pee in your pants – Otherwise you’ll waste valuable time with you pants down before you drain the tank. Any time you are in public naked just standing around on a street corner is usually bad news. Try to get the blowjob done quick.
  • Have a look out – Preferably someone who is not peeing right next to you.

Urination is a great way to shave off precious minutes from your already dull and meaningless life. If you’re outside, use some hand sanitizer when you get home. To save more water, don’t flush your pee – just your poop, and forget about brushing more than a few times a week.

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